Vampires Suck (2010)

The popularity of the genre that is the spoof comedy is currently at a steady trickle down. Actually, it’s more like a down pour of mediocre and downright bad projects and moviegoers are stuck outside with no umbrella. Don’t you hate it when that happens? Apparently there are a lot of anti-Twilight supporters out there and even more anti-vampire picketers because someone saw it necessary to construct a film making fun of them. Although Vampires Suck mainly takes shots at the Twilight Saga, it incorporates little tidbits about other past and present popular vampire themed scenarios.

Not much to say about the storyline really, if you have even the slightest inkling about the Twilight plotline then you pretty much already know how this one plays out. The character names are slightly adjusted, of course, but not too much to make any sort of a difference. Becca Crane (Jenn Proske) instead of Bella Swan; Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter) instead of Cullen and Jacob White (Chris Riggi) instead of, well you know. Becca moves into town, meets Edward, falls in love with him but also has Jacob the werewolf desperately vying for her affection.

The comedy in this one was pretty bland and seemed like the writers were trying too hard to make it funny. It did play on some of the exaggerated acting contained in the actual Twilight films however. The ever constant self-brooding portrayal of Becca was pretty spot on by Jenn Proske although playing Bella Swan doesn’t seem like it could be all that difficult. It also emphasized on the slow, sometimes dragging tone of Twilight which has come to be one of its trademark characteristics. Only a couple of jokes actually made me laugh out loud while the rest were filled with racial stereotypes and the makings fun of television shows which included Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Jersey Shore and True Blood.

Slightly interested in seeing some of the outtakes on the future DVD, I’m sure the cast had to at least have a good ol’ time making fun of what some people are calling this generation’s Star Wars. As a comedy, this film flops, but as a spoof film, it does a decent job of mimicking it’s subjects flaws and annoyances. It even goes as far to give away the ending of the Twilight Saga which won’t be revealed for another two years. I found this surprising having not read any of the novels myself but my fellow moviegoer for the evening who is also a seasoned Twilight veteran explained to me that it doesn’t count because all of the true blue Twilight fans have already read the books and obviously know what happens in the end. Her statement made sense but I advise those of you who haven’t taken the time to read the novels should stay away from this film.

Regardless of the spoiler that it contains for Breaking Dawn, I would advise staying away from the film either way. Honestly one of the dumbest things I have seen in my life, it fits in as one of those films you watch late one night when you feel like criticizing every single scene it has. Feeling like spoof comedies have gotten away from peak form that was Scary Movie and classics such as Airplane and The Naked Gun, I give Vampires Suck “1 unnecessary look into some people’s hatred for vampires out of 5”.

-“Jacob, why did you just take off your shirt?”

-“My contract says I have to every ten minutes of screen time.”