For those of you who follow my writing you might remember my mini-adventure involving ECLIPSE. If not, you can read it here. Those of you who don’t should hang your head in utter shame. Since I put time and effort into that film, I figured I might as well attempt to do the same for this one. Only I didn’t, I was simply invited and figured ‘why not?’, if anything I’ll earn myself a free 2 hours of sleep. But while I actually felt that BREAKING DAWN’s predecessor was a semi-decent film, I don’t really feel like I can say the same for the latest chapter however.
This one wastes absolutely no time getting right to the wedding of the year. An event that possibly rivaled Kim Kardashian’s in anticipation as well as price, it took up probably the first 15 minutes of the movie. With a mixture of living and un-dead guests on either side of her, the bride, Bella (Kristen Stewart), looked all kinds of nervous being escorted by her dad, Charlie (Billy Burke), down the aisle. Her groom, a pale white Edward (Robert Pattison) stood waiting for her. After the super drawn-out intricacies that were the ceremony and reception were finally over, the even more drawn-out honeymoon was somewhat painful to watch. Bella takes on the persona of a frightened mouse once they get to their hidden honeymoon destination. Absolutely terrified over finally “doing the act” with her newly acquired husband. An act that leaves her in an unexplainable physical state and forces the two of them to return home.
The third corner in the storied love triangle, Jacob (Taylor Lautner), still wasn’t very accepting to the fact that the love of his life was getting married to a member of his packs’ mortal enemy. Although struggling with all of this, this film seems to try to push his maturity level up a bit. He grows up and even plays around with the idea of being on his own, away from his brothers and sisters of the Quileute wolves. Upon learning of Bella’s “condition” after her and Edward return abruptly from their time away, he, without hesitation, springs to her side. He slowly but surely begins to realize that he must indeed put his feelings towards Edward and his coven of vampires aside and agree to do whatever he again to help her.
BREAKING DAWN PART 1 progresses at an almost nodding off to sleep pace. It has its moments of action and mildly interesting drama but they are very brief and far in between. Speaking more on Bella’s fright, Stewart’s portrayal of her virgin character was quite amusing truthfully. I don’t know if she was more afraid of not being able to please her new husband or if she was frightened for what a vampire might do to her during sex but it seemed impossible for her to hide it. The sex scene itself wasn’t really all that special in my opinion although the bed did become a casualty. The constant kissing and touching between the two of them throughout the entire film was a little unbearable. I know you guys are newlyweds but sheesh, get a damn room.
The majority of the movie revolved around that: the wedding and the honeymoon. By the time the plot finally really got going, it was about time for the credits to begin rolling. Even when the story hit its’ “high points”, they were followed by more slowness. It kind of felt like the characters were talking an awful lot but not really saying much. Possibly the most exciting part of the movie was the wolf showdown between Jacob and the alpha pack leader Sam (Chaske Spencer). Although the special effects somewhat took a back seat to the overall drama within this film, the resolution on the wolves themselves were again done pretty well. I personally would have liked to see more of my girl, Anna Kendrick, but I would have to make due.
One part of the story itself that I’m still pretty hazy on is the whole imprinting concept. In one of the previous films, Jacob tries to explain to Bella that it “isn’t exactly love at first sight”. But isn’t that what seeing someone and instantly wanting to be their absolute everything is? Someone please ask Stephanie Meyer to further clarify. After doing some research and realizing that Jacob imprints on an infant child, it all has a sort of pedophilic feel to me. Plus the term “imprint” sounds kind of dirty. “Hey dude, I think Naomi is mad at me. I tried aiming for the sheets last night but acidentally imprinted on her stomach instead.”
I was astonished that there were only a few shirtless scenes, with only one from Taylor “Abduction” Lautner. They’re probably just saving all of that skin to pack into next November’s finale. Kind of fitting, that this supernatural and rather unhealthy obsession finally comes to an end the month before the world is expected to cease to exist according to our good friends the Mayans. Coincidence? I’ll let you be the judge. Overall, I feel like TWILIGHT possibly may have had something to do with our economy’s state but if I had to pick one film out of all of them, I’d have to stick with ECLIPSE being the “best” one. It had the most combination of plot happenings going on at once and even contained some funny parts. This one might as well ought to be called ‘Breaking Yawn’. I see why those couple of guys had seizures. Guess they couldn’t take anymore. I give THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART 1 “2 bruising sessions of vampire sex out of 5”.
“It’s better to imprint on someone and be some kind of happy than to be completely alone and miserable”
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