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Jersey Shore: Gym, Tan, Re-cap of Season 3

Oh, what can we “shoreheads” say about the third and latest season that was the Jersey Shore? A lot I’m sure but I only have so much typing room before people begin to get tired of my rambling. Last season which was filmed in Miami while the state of New Jersey was going through a little thing we call winter, was filled with drama, fights, scandal and even more drama. Well I suppose “fights & scandal” may just be synonyms for the word drama. Sammi and JWoww duked it out first then we were quite entertained and even somewhat surprised by how well Snooki held her own against all around hated roommate Angelina.

This year, “the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island” was replaced by “the blast in a glass” Deena. She made her debut and although she’s a small one she made her presence felt in a very big way by challenging Sammi immediately. I’m sure none of us expected there to be a big blowout on the very first episode. One that resulted in a rematch between Jenni and Sammi. In my opinion, I think this one was a draw. Allowing the first episode to end that way of course left us wanting more and unable to wait until the following week.

The highlights of the third season were headlined, yet again, by the ongoing rather dysfunctional relationship between Sammi and Ronnie. Perhaps MTV should have hired a couple’s counselor to try to mediate the constant fussing, more like war, that these two put the house through. Honestly by the end of the last stint in Miami, I was over their constant bickering and more than ready for them to part ways. But sadly my wish was not granted and I guess it wouldn’t be much of a show without all of their unnecessary drama.

Ultimately, as we all saw, the fighting finally came to a head when they both lost it and went at each other. First, Sammi decided it was a great idea to punch her boyfriend in the face because he was friends with someone whom she despised at the time, Jenni. Ladies and gentleman, we all know that if it were the other way around, our dear Ronald would be facing criminal charges yet again in his young life. After that came the clothes chucking, bedroom destroying chaos that took place during a mega-argument. This was fittingly followed by a distraught Sammi going out and grinding on the first guy she could find.

Finally, finally, after Ron went nutso again after seeing his “girlfriend” partying hard with a stranger, Sammi made the right decision and made her way back home. Sure Ronnie was sad and lonely and dissolved into a crying muscle mess but it was for his own good. “Was” being the keyword. No sooner than Sammi “Sweetheart” departed, she was right back in the shore house and eventually back in Ron’s arms. More drama ensued when we all learned that she was talking to the now infamous Arvin over Blackberry messenger. Ronnie became the adult, after some usual and much expected instigating from Mike, and finally ended their on-again, off-again relationship, for good. Thank. You. Ron.

Then there was other relationship drama between Jenni and her boyfriend, Tom. Call me psychic, but I never thought they looked like they should have been together. Even though Tom seemed like someone that Jenni would go for, he obviously didn’t trust her. Maybe it was her mini-romp with Pauly D in season one or problems back home or perhaps he just couldn’t deal with having a girlfriend as hot as she was. Whatever it was, he was always paranoid. If that was the case, knowing that she was doing this reality series and he wouldn’t be able to handle it, he should have broken it off. Then go find a less-attractive girl whom he wouldn’t have to worry whether she would cheat on him or not. I’m just saying.

I did feel a little bad for JWoww. She does seem like a pretty nice girl who is just looking for love and happiness. It’s just that she meets guys who would rather give her something else. Maybe it’s her fake boobs that cause all of that attention. After dealing with the ordeal of losing her boyfriend, her bed and money, she finally snuggles in with Roger. Now he’s a guy that I think was possibly custom made to fit her criteria. I don’t know her very well but was kind of glad to see her find happiness with him, even if she waited about a nano-second before jumping right back into the dating pool after the last debacle.

What else? Oh yes, Snooki gets arrested! I wasn’t surprised, at all. She was already a kind of out there, “I’m going to do whatever I want” kind of girl then you add alcohol into the equation. I am surprised Seaside police weren’t just following her around waiting for her to f**k up. Spending a night in the slammer seemed to open her eyes, even if it was just a squint, to what she was doing to herself. She transferred her attention from booze back to one of her past obsessions, Vinny.

I don’t know about the rest of you but I think her incessant habit of getting mad at Vinny because he didn’t want to have sex with her is really, well, unfair. If she was the one that was turning him down for sex and he kept coming back then he would be a dog wouldn’t he? But that’s why we have double standards, don’t we? Anyway, Vinny did the right thing by trying to spare her feelings because he didn’t feel the same way but sleeping with her friend may not have been the brightest move. Plus seeing that Taylor isn’t the prettiest girl in the world, he was literally thinking with his penis. I don’t care how large one’s manhood may be; there still isn’t a working brain in there.

Speaking of laying down a sex trail, between Miami and their second visit to Seaside, I began to get a little afraid for the guys of the house. Vinny, Mike “The Situation” and DJ Pauly D are knowingly all out to get a large piece of that pie we like to call…well you know what it’s called. Bottom line, they run through a lot of um, girls, so I at least hope that they were wrapping it up. The specimens from this season were not as up to par as the ones that they found wandering around the clubs in Miami. By now everyone knows who they are, you would think the quality of the girls would rise even higher but sometimes you got to take what you can get I suppose. Even if you are a reality series celebrity.

On that note, I would like to speak on one of my favorite inventions of the third season, “the grenade whistle”. What probably made this creation even funnier was that the girls they were blowing it for had absolutely no idea what it meant. Can you say oblivious? How about the girls who had their brother come to the house at night to pick them up and Pauly D very smoothly suggested he just take them and go. The girl that was going to hook up with him got so upset, it was hilarious. No Italian sausage for her that night.

Yes indeed it was another memorable season which spanned 13 episodes over the course of three months. I wonder if the fourth season, which is reportedly going to be in Florence, Italy, will be any longer. In addition to next season, there will be a spin-off featuring Snooki and Jenni and another with DJ Pauly D. With all of these new shows happening, there hasn’t been any progress in the start of shooting any of them so sadly, we probably won’t have any more Jersey Shore until next year. GTW: Gym, Tan, and Wait for 2012 to arrive so we can become reacquainted with our Jersey Shore alumni once again. Until then, keep fist pumping and make sure to maintain a grenade-free zone. Now you have to excuse me, I have business in the smush room.


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